"In the time of Buddha, a woman named Kisagotami suffered the death of her only child. Unable to accept it, she ran from person to person, seeking a medicine to restore her child to life. The Buddha was said to have such a medicine. Kisagotami went to the Buddha, and asked, "Can you make a medicine that will restore my child?" "I know of such a medicine," the Buddha replied. "But in order to make it, I must have certain ingredients." Relieved, the woman asked, "What ingredients do you require?" "Bring me a handful of mustard seed," said the Buddha. The woman promised to procure it for him, but as she was leaving, he added, "I require the mustard seed be taken from a a household where no child, spouse, parent, or servant has died." The woman agreed and began going from house to house in search of the mustard seed. At each house people agreed to give her the seed, but when she asked them if anyone had died in that household, she could find no home where death had not visited... Kisagotami was not able to find a home free from the suffering of death. Seeing she was not alone in her grief, she let go of her child's lifeless body and returned to tha Buddha who said with great compassion, "You thought that you alone had lost a son,...[but] among all creatures there is no permanence." (Dalai Lama)
What Kisagotami learned was that no one lives free from suffering and loss. It is a Universal experience, and through that knowledge, she was able to experience the connection to ALL.
Our Egos have one interest, and that is to make us feel special, unique, and to draw us personal attention. Your Ego strives to make you feel separate from others, because it can't be special, it can't succeed at this, if we're all ONE! The Ego is even thrilled with suffering and loss, because on some level even terrible experiences can be used to draw attention. Victimhood is the refuge of many. The "poor me" (James Redfield) control drama is a tried and true method for extracting energy from others.
There are other problems with SEPARATENESS. When we are under the illusion of separateness, we are alone. In aloneness we develop many strategies for dealing with suffering and loss. We ply ourselves with deadening chemicals and alcohol, and suffer even more from the damage we cause to ourselves and others. We utilize a host of psychological defenses, deadening our ability to feel anything, through repression and blocking. This leads to the inability to interact or connect with others. Think of how many marriages have been destroyed as a side-effect of this strategy! Some people load up their schedule with distractions, thinking if they keep busy enough they won't have to face any pain. Still others, unable to accept the Universality of their loss, use projection, and blame others for their troubles...
Connection will not remove the suffering and loss, but connection will help spread it out. Comfort comes naturally from ALL, when we let them in. Facing tragedy head-on and allowing oneself to fall into the arms of those surrounding you, is the path to acceptance, a path made easier to bear through the LOVE and sharing received in connection.
Today, be prepared to face any suffering head-on. Do not allow your Ego to keep you from the sharing and caring of or for others. BE connected. Allow yourself to feel LOVE from it when you experience loss. And BE loving to others in their time of trouble. We are ALL connected. WE are all ONE...
Duffy
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