Who you think you are is actually a composite of what your family thinks of you, what your friends think of you, your co-workers, what your career says about you, your income, your reputation, etc. None of these is actually you, and the composite isn't either. They are identities that you have adopted. This does not mean they are not powerful. If you live in a western society, you have been indoctrinated all of your life to see things from this perspective. Indeed, you have probably never been exposed to a different viewpoint!
There is a YOU behind your physical form. The spiritual BEing that is the real YOU happens to be currently manifested in your physical self, but it's a physical self you will someday leave behind. Look at a dead body and you can clearly see that the once spiritual SELF is no longer there.
What is the experience of identifying with your physical form? You think your thinking mind is you. Your memories and emotional attachments control your reality. Your Ego runs the show...
Because of this, most humans live in pain. At the level of thought you experience judgement. At the level of emotion you experience negativity. Together these color your present with pain. The intensity of your pain is directly associated with your resistance to actual reality. To avoid this pain you look to the future. You want to deny the present and escape from it.
This strategy is most apparent in romantic relationships. Resentment, self-pity, jealousy, depression, victimization, irritation, annoyance and anger are all forms of pain. As long as you are identified with your physical form, your mind, this pain is inevitable. We seek "highs" to escape it, alcohol, drugs, sex, extreme sports, and especially romantic love. The pleasure associated with these escapes become addicitions. However the high experienced through an addiction always turns to a low eventually.
Romantic love has no cultural negativity associated with it. Everyone wants it, in fact most people can't enjoy life if they don't have it. They seek it ceaselessly like they are dying for the thirst of it. However, if they are living an unconscious existence, identified with the physical self, they are bringing their pain and their need to escape the present with them into the relationship. For a time the other person "fulfills all of their desires." In actuality the other person is simply distracting them from their pain. This is when the couple is "in love."
Eventually the other person can no longer live up to your expectations and you begin to experience your pain again. This is when you say your beloved "has really changed." You can't accept that you are simply back in your pain, so your Ego needs to find fault outside of you. Since the person that was providing you with a distraction from your pain is now failing to do so, you experience hostility to them. You attact them emotionally, passively and/or aggressively. You withold affection. You withold encouragement. You blame them, belittle them, berate them. Sometimes this escalates to physical violence...
What to do? You must BEcome Conscious. You must BEgin to shed identities with your physical form. Meditation is the best way to get there, but BEgin with BEcoming the observer of yourself. Instead of reacting immediately to something that happens, try to find the gap between perception and reaction. Watch yourself reacting. Give yourself a little space around it. You may not be able initially to prevent a reaction, but the space will provide you with a knowing that you are having one. Simply the knowing is enough to dissolve it at least partially. Simply seeing yourself attached to the outcome, will be enough to lessen your pain and eventually, with enough practice, you may BE able to let it go entirely...
Today, BEgin to watch yourself as if you were a third person, because that is actually what you are unconsciously doing through your identification. Observe yourself reacting. Practice this. Notice even when something happens and catches you jumping right in before you can stop. Observe yourself in all of your interactions. Leave a "space for grace" around your reactions. Simply the knowing will dissolve your attachments...
Duffy
No comments:
Post a Comment